Table of Condiments
That Periodically Go Bad

1
My
Mayonnaise
3 months
2
S
Salt
N/A
3
H
Hollandaise
1 day
4
B
Butter
1.5 months
5
Mw
Miracle Whip
3 months
6
Hu
Hummus
1 week
7
Od
Onion Dip
2 weeks
8
Tt
Tartar Sauce
3 months
9
V
Vinegar
3-5 years
10
M
Mustard
6-8 months
11
K
Ketsup
5 months
12
P
Pepper
4 years
13
Be
Bernaise
2 days
14
Ga
Garlic Sauce
1 day
15
Cc
Cream Cheese
2 weeks
16
Ti
Tahini Sauce
1 month
17
Bl
Bleu Cheese
2 months
18
R
Ranch
2 months
19
Pb
Peanut Butter
4 months
20
Lx
Lox
2 weeks
21
Pi
Pickles
6 months
22
Po
Pearl Onion
8 months
23
Cr
Croutons
2 months
24
Cs
Cocktail Sauce
6-8 months
25
Fi
Fish Sauce
5 months
26
Ym
Yellow Mustard
6-8 months
27
Ci
Chili Sauce
6-8 months
28
Sg
Sugar
2 years
29
Gc
Guacamole
2 days
30
Ws
White Sauce
2 days
31
Sc
Sour Cream
3 weeks
32
Th
Special Sauce
2 months
32A
Th
1,000 Island
2 months
33
Ma
Marmalade
2 months
34
V
Vegemite
2 months
35
Sy
Syrup
8 months
36
Re
Relish
6 months
37
Go
Green Olive
9 months
38
Ln
Lemon
2 months
39
Gs
Green Salsa
2 months
40
Sw
Sweet n Sour
4-5 months
41
Gm
Germ. Mustard
6-8 months
42
Ss
Steak Sauce
1 year
43
Nu
Aspartame
N/A
44
G
Gravy
3 days
45
Ch
Cheese Sauce
1 week
46
Wc
Whipped Cream
2 weeks
47
Vg
Vinaigrette
2 months
48
F
French
2 months
49
J
Jelly
4-5 months
50
Nt
Nutella
4 months
51
Fu
Fudge Sauce
6-8 months
52
Hr
Horseradish
6-8 months
53
Jñ
Jalapeño
6 months
54
Oo
Olive Oil
6 months
55
Rs
Red Sauce
2 months
56
Sf
Stir-Fry Sauce
8 months
57
Dj
Dijonnaise
6-8 months
58
Ts
Taco Sauce
2 years
59
Xx
Saccharin
N/A
60
Au
Au Jus
3 days
61
Cz
Cheese Wiz
N/A
62
Mg
Margarine
6 months
63
Ch
Chutney
5 months
64
Hm
Honey Mustard
2 months
65
H
Honey
8 months
66
Pe
Peanut Sauce
8 months
67
Cp
Choc. Syrup
6-8 months
68
Bo
Baco Bits
N/A
69
Pm
Pimento
9 months
70
Ds
Duck Sauce
4-5 months
71
Wu
Worcestershire
1 year
72
So
Soy Sauce
1 year
73
Bq
BBQ Sauce
6-8 months
74
Ta
Tabasco
2-5 years
75
X
Maraschino
N/A
This invaluable scientific tool brought to by F.N.O.R.D., with special thanks to that design genius, Ben Day.

Disclaimers

We do not guarantee that any of the above information is in any way accurate. For instance, it was pointed out recently that vegemite is unfit for human consumption upon opening. (We agree - it's vile stuff). However, tests show it is an effective form of reactor shielding.

As a note, we did not write the above table. We stole it from some weird day planner we saw somewhere back in 1997. We're not trying to get credit that's not ours. It was more of a tribute. Really.

We are accepting random donations, however. Just in case you were interested.

Update: We just received this information from a random net browser:

It appeared in a mock calendar diary for 1997 and was produced by Potlatch (the paper company) under the title "365 Ben Days." The concept and design was by Dana Arnett, Ken Fox, Fletcher Martin and John Naresky of VSA Partners, Chicago.

For some history on this invaluable tool, check here.